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VENO tv: FROM THE PULPIT SERMON ON THE MOUNT COUNTING THE COST SERIES: THE MARRIAGE ESTATE — PART 1
Date: 13-08-26

By Ladi Ayodeji

Marriage is one of life's most consequential relationships, and anyone contemplating it must understand that love alone does not remove the responsibilities, sacrifices and challenges that come with building a home.

Gospel minister, author, marriage counsellor and philosopher Ladi Ayodeji has stressed the need for intending couples to “count the cost” before entering marriage, describing the institution as a lifelong voyage that demands preparation, maturity, openness, patience and commitment
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Continuing his “Counting the Cost” teaching series, Ayodeji said the subject of marriage is too broad and important to be adequately addressed in a single message.
According to him, the “marriage estate” encompasses children, finances, in-laws, friends, religion, extended family, religious leaders, ethnicity, race, education and many other factors capable of influencing the success or failure of a home.

He therefore intends to devote several weeks to examining the subject from practical and biblical perspectives.
Marriage Is a Voyage of Discovery
Ayodeji opened the teaching with a series of nuggets for those considering marriage. He compared marriage to a cup of tea whose temperature and taste cannot be fully determined merely by looking at it.

In the same way, he argued, professions of love are tested by time, pressure and circumstances.
“Character is revealed over time,” he said, describing marriage as “a long voyage of discovery.”
He explained that prospective couples may see the beginning of their journey but cannot predict everything the future will bring. Marriage may present unexpected circumstances, making emotional maturity and the ability to adjust important qualities for both partners.

Ayodeji also described marriage as an institution of leadership training. Managing differences, resolving conflicts, making sacrifices and maintaining a household, he said, can teach lessons in leadership that are difficult to acquire in a classroom.
He cautioned against entering marriage experimentally or without adequate preparation.

“Never throw your hat in the ring if you're not ready. There is no experiment in marriage; no trial and error.”
According to him, successful marriages also require diplomacy and tact, particularly when couples encounter difficult seasons.
Trust, Openness and Money
Another important element identified in the sermon is openness between husband and wife.
Ayodeji maintained that trust is strengthened when couples communicate honestly and avoid unnecessary secrecy. The intimacy of marriage, he said, requires a high degree of transparency between spouses.

He also highlighted an issue sometimes avoided in discussions about marriage: money.
“Money is very, very important in marriage, but few openly admit it,” he said.
For Ayodeji, financial responsibility should therefore form part of the preparation for marriage rather than becoming an afterthought once the wedding ceremony is over.
He stressed that his observations should not be regarded as “12 commandments,” but as practical considerations intended to encourage people to think deeply before entering the marital relationship.
Going Back to the Beginning
Turning to the biblical foundation of marriage, Ayodeji anchored his teaching on Genesis 2:21–25, which recounts the creation of Eve and her union with Adam.
He highlighted the declaration:
“Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.”
Ayodeji interprets the passage as establishing marriage as a committed union in which husband and wife form a new family unit.
He further argued from his reading of Genesis that God has a role in the choice of a spouse and that marriage should be approached prayerfully rather than merely emotionally.
The description of Adam and Eve as “naked” and “not ashamed,” he said, also points to the openness, intimacy and trust expected between married partners.
Love, Submission and Mutual Responsibility
In his interpretation of the Genesis account, Ayodeji emphasised what he sees as distinct responsibilities within marriage. He called on husbands to demonstrate love actively and consistently, while encouraging wives to practise humility and submission within the marital relationship.
He pointed to Adam's description of Eve as “bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh” as an expression of affection and identification with his wife.
For Ayodeji, marriage should not become a contest for superiority. Rather, spouses should understand their responsibilities and work toward peace and stability in the home.
Couples Need Their Own Space
A major point in the sermon concerns the biblical instruction that a man should “leave” his father and mother and cleave to his wife.
Ayodeji interprets this to mean that newly married couples should, where practicable, establish an independent household instead of remaining permanently dependent on parents, relatives or friends for accommodation.
He warned that excessive interference from in-laws, relatives and friends can create tension between husband and wife.
“The pattern God set is that couples should live on their own without outside interference,” he argued.
This principle, he said, forms an important part of counting the cost. Prospective couples should consider accommodation, feeding and other basic responsibilities before marriage rather than assuming that these issues will automatically resolve themselves afterward.
Fidelity Must Remain Central
Ayodeji also used the Genesis account to defend monogamy and marital fidelity, noting that the scripture speaks of a man cleaving to his “wife.”
He condemned adultery, extramarital relationships and the modern culture of “side chicks,” arguing that they contradict the biblical standard of faithfulness in marriage.
Sexual intimacy, he taught, belongs within the marriage covenant and should be treated with dignity rather than trivialised.
Preparation Before Celebration
The central message of Part One is that marriage requires far more preparation than organising a wedding ceremony.
Housing, finances, character, communication, family relationships, faith, fidelity, emotional maturity and the ability to manage disagreements all form part of the cost that intending couples must consider.
Ayodeji concluded that the present teaching merely lays the foundation for what will become a broader examination of “The Marriage Estate.”
Subsequent parts of the series are expected to examine the various forces that shape married life, including money, children, in-laws, religion, friends, extended family and other pressures confronting couples.

For those preparing for marriage, his message is straightforward: before making the commitment, understand its responsibilities and count the cost.

Ladi Ayodeji is an author, gospel minister, marriage counsellor and philosopher. He can be reached via WhatsApp only on 09059243004.

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